Darcy's Blog
by Lady Shadow Walker
Summary: It really did just start as a joking way for Darcy to tell people about her experiences, but then it mostly spirals out of control. She should have seen it coming sooner. It made her new friends, though, and annoyed Tony, so it was really a win-win.


**A/N: I literally don't even have an explanation for this. It was 3 AM, I was running on not enough sleep, and I got hit by a plot bunny, and this was born in a few hours. I've only barely skimmed over it, so I definitely can't promise no mistakes. Either way, I hope you enjoy what my sleep-deprived brain cooked up.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable content.**

Darcy starts it as a joke.

* * *

 **Never Going to England Again**

 **by MyLifeKindaSucks**

 _So there I_ _am_ _, trying to enjoy my job and get somewhere in life and everything, and then BANG!_ _This massive alien ship thing shows up and crashes into the land, and Thor comes out of nowhere to face off against it._

 _People_ _are_ _running everywhere, and these fugly alien creature things start running around,_ _too_ _, and everyone is panicking, and I just wanted some coffee, dammit!_

 _So I'm trying to stay away from the creepy, scary things and then the ground starts shaking, and it turns out that Thor just hit his hammer to the ground and literally created a mini-earthquake. He's wearing that Asgardian armor that he never seems to take off and swinging his hammer around, and I am so on board with that. Having an Avenger save the day is always a good thing._

 _He winds up flying off through this weird-ass portal with the scary creature thing, and I'm ducking back to cover and these chicks are running around with weird equipment, yelling weird stuff out, and I start ducking for cover again._

 _It worked alright, too, but then this thing start_ _s_ _coming at me and I th_ _ink I'm_ _going to die if I d_ _o_ _n't do something badass in, like, the next three seconds, but then this dude jumps out of no where and saves me. And I needed a "hey, you just saved my life!" victory kiss, so I got it. Yay._

 _Anyway, I'm still not sure on some of the details, but eventually the day gets saved, and I'm just really tired now. And, also, where the hell where the other Avengers, is my question? Weird alien creatures attacking and there's only Thor? I don't know how I feel about that._

 _Either way, I'm packing up and getting the fuck out of England. The Big Apple is calling my name with a better paycheck and everything._

 _Oh, and in case you didn't notice? My life kinda sucks._

 ** _(_ _14+_ _pictures attached)_**

* * *

"Hey, Darcy have you seen that blog thing that everyone's talking about?" Jane asks when she's taking a break from Science(!).

"Huh?" Darcy asks, busy unpacking the last of her stuff into Jane's new Stark Industries lab. They had moved two weeks before, and it was only just getting done. "What'd you say?"

"There's this blog thing that someone made that's them talking about what happened to them during the whole Malekith thing," Jane says.

"I think I've seen it," Darcy says. "Why? What are people saying?"

"Everyone's talking about the pictures they got, and debating whether it's all true or not. And wondering why the other Avengers weren't there."

"You know," Darcy says thoughtfully. "That's actually a really good question. Where were they?"

"Everyone but Stark and the Captain were out of the country on missions and Thor didn't want to bother them," Jane says distractedly, picking up a piece of paper with scientific scribble on it.

Darcy snorts. "He didn't want to bother them? Oh, come on, I wouldn't have minded Captain Spandex saving my day."

Jane looks up. "Huh? What about Ian?"

Darcy waves her off. "One time thing, boss lady. Not interested in him."

Jane just shrugs and doesn't question it.

* * *

 **Why Did I Say That?!**

 **by MyLifeKindaSucks**

 _Look, I'm pretty positive everyone's had that moment of weakness where you're thinking about superheroes and say or think "wow, wouldn't it be nice if so and so saved my day?"_

 _Well, I'm a warm-blooded heterosexual female, so I unfortunately decided to voice exactly that while_ _talking about_ _Captain America._

 _So, really, I probably should have expected it when a couple of days later, I_ _'m_ _exploring Central Park because I ha_ _ve_ _free time, and all of the sudden there are these little toddler-sized creepy robots flying around and attacking people._

 _Did I mention they were creepy? Because they_ _are_ _._

 _As far as I can tell, they're not actually_ _hurting_ _anyone, but they are picking people up and dropping them, and generally harassing people, so I grab my bag, and I am so ready to get out of there._

 _This one little toddler robot doesn't seem to get that, though, because it grabs my bag and takes it, the little hypochondriac._

 _So, I'm standing there, trying to get my bag back, looking like an idiot while cussing this thing out when the Avengers show up. I'm mostly ignoring them because my bag, dammit!_

 _Since there's got to be at least fifty of these things, they don't really notice me, which is coolio. I'm still playing tug-of-war with a flying infant robot, so it's fine. I'm starting to get really annoyed, though, and I eventually give up, because I_ _was_ _just making myself look like an idiot._

 _I decide to just sit back on a bench and watch the Avengers do their thing and take some pictures while I'm at it, and out of no where, Cap's shield flies by me so close that my hair actually blows around. I_ _'m_ _just frozen and watching the shield ricochet off the toddler robots and take out five of them, and Cap runs by me in all his spandex-clad glory, yells "Sorry, ma'am", and seamlessly catches his shield._

 _Thankfully, one of the robots he hit_ _s_ _is_ _the one with my bag and so it's just lying on the ground. I decide not to test my luck any longer, so I grab my bag, and I g_ _e_ _t the heck out of dodge._

 _I learned_ _some things_ _that day:_

 _One – Never tempt fate._

 _Two – Toddler robots are oddly cute, but still kinda_ _creepy_ _._

 _Three – The super-villains in this city are weird._

 _Four – Cap looks even better in spandex than I thought._

 _Five – My life still kinda sucks._

 _Welcome to New York_ _City._

 ** _(_ _14+ Pictures Attached)_**

* * *

"Bruce!" Tony whines while Darcy is bringing the Science!trio coffee.

"What, Tony?" Bruce asks, still somehow sounding calm despite hours of spending time with Tony.

"How come Capsickle gets a special mention on her blog? I was there, too!" he whines with a pout.

"Are you still going on about that blog?" Darcy asks in amusement, sitting the coffee cups down beside the scientists.

"Yes," Tony says with a huff. "I need to save the day more, and maybe she'll be there and write about me! I deserve to be written about!"

"Uh huh," Darcy says. "I don't think she _wants_ to be in danger."

"Please," Tony says. "She's getting rescued by people like me. She likes it."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Darcy mumbles on her way back to Jane's lab.

* * *

 **What is Wrong With This City?**

 **by MyLifeKindaSucks**

 _One time is bad luck and two times is worse luck, but three times?! This is getting ridiculous. I would even consider moving again, but I just got a good-paying job!_

 _Anyway, so this is what happened. I was walking down the street at night, which I knew was a bad idea, but I didn't really have a choice for personal reasons that I won't share here._

 _So there I was, strolling down the street – around other people, mind you – and I'm just ready to get home and change into pajamas and flop face-first onto my bed and sleep for a few years._

 _It didn't really go like that, though, because all of the sudden this guy walks up behind me and I don't really think anything of it until he tosses an arm over my shoulders and I feel metal pressing against my side. The guy reeks, by the way. Like, rolling-around-in-trash-for-a-living reeks._

 _He leans in and says, "I got a gun against your side, pretty lady, so why don't you just act like you know me and head into that ally over there, yeah?"_

 _And I'm a lot of things, but I'm not the Black Widow or an idiot, so my only real option is to do what he says, so I head over to the ally, hoping beyond all hope that my luck with superheroes will hold up._

 _Once I'm in the ally, the guy lets go of me but he keeps the gun pointed at my face, so I have no clue what to do. Calling for help would be suicide, I'm still not the Black Widow so I can't ninja my way out of it, and there's no conveniently placed superheroes, so I'm panicking, like, a lot._

 _The guy just stands there and stares at me with this mega-creepy smile for a long time, and I start getting fidgety, and he finally says, "I got big plans for ya."_

 _So then I start panicking even more, and I'm trying to make an escape plan that involves a not necessarily legal piece of self-defense technology I have on me, my scarf, and a pen that's in my pocket when my phone starts to ring._

 _The guy freezes and looks at my bag where my phone is, and I start feeling victorious, and lie my ass off and say, "Oh, that must be my boyfriend. He's expecting me. Big guy, ex-Special Force. He's, like, two blocks away and carries a gun so you might want to let me go."_

 _He looks conflicted, but then he starts digging in my bag, gun still pointed at me, and he takes my phone out, sneers at it, says, "The fuck you want a StarkPhone for? They're useless!"_

 _He looks at the caller ID, and it's actually my mother, and he looks thoughtful, but let's it ring until it stops._

 _He still looks a bit nervous, though, and then my mother sends a text that more or less says, "When are you coming home? And when are you going to get a boyfriend? I'm not getting any younger and I want grandchildren before I die!"_

 _Which, you know, that really just figures._

 _So the guy starts grinning again, super creepily might I add, and he taps the phone and says, "Ex-Special Forces boyfriend, you said?"_

 _I'm panicking again, so I blurt, "Yeah, his names, uh, something, and he's still gonna kick your ass even if I made him up."_

 _The guy just stares at me incredulously for a long minute before he starts cracking up, and now I'm feeling insulted so I say, "Hey! I could so have an imaginary kick ass boyfriend."_

 _And then while he's still laughing, Spiderman swings in out of fucking no where and webs the guy to the wall, and just leans against the brick ally wall all cool-like and says, "I can be your nothing."_

 _So I gape at him, and he grabs my phone from the guy, takes a selfie like that's a normal thing to do, then hands me my phone. Then he gestures towards the exit of the alley and says, "So while I may be your nothing, the cops still kinda hate me so you may want to scatter before they get here."_

 _And who am I to argue with that? So I scatter._

 _I still don't know what these "big plans" this weirdo had in mind, but that's how I met Spiderman. And before anyone asks: yeah, my life still kinda sucks._

 ** _(6 Pictures Attached)_**

* * *

Darcy flops onto a lab couch, trying to get away from Tony's gloating about the blog writer having a StarkPhone. She winds up grabbing the remote and flips through channels, when a news station caught her attention and she leaves it on there. Two women are discussing Spiderman, it looks like.

"I just think the police is giving him too hard a time," the blond wearing blue says.

"He's still a vigilante," the blond wearing green states.

"But he saved this blogger and countless other people," the blond wearing blue argues. "Besides, aren't there rumors that he's going to join the Avengers?"

"Like you said: _rumors_ ," the blond wearing green scoffs. "I doubt they want someone that unorthodox on their team."

"I'd want him on my team," the blond wearing blue sighs dreamily. "Did you see that picture she got of him leaning on the wall?"

Darcy laughs to herself and turns the TV off, turning back to make a better grocery list for the lab levels of the Tower.

* * *

 **The Black Widow Saves the World Again**

 **by MyLifeKindaSucks**

 _I'm done questioning my luck. Seriously, just done._

 _So, I'm eating in this food court by myself, and these two teenage boys beside me are arguing about whether or not the woman sitting a few tables to my right is the Black Widow. I'm listening to them, and I keep glancing over to her. I can't tell if she is the Black Widow or not, but I'm not so sure she is._

 _The woman is definitely super fit and very attractive, but she's wearing sweats and a stained sweatshirt and has mouse brown hair. From what I've seen and know of the Black Widow, she's super hot and super bad ass, so I doubt she'd walk around like that._

 _Either way, I still listen in on their conversation and this woman is, too._

 _"I'm telling you man," one teenage boy says to the other, "that's the Black Widow."_

 _"No, you're delusional," the other argues. "The Black Widow has red hair."_

 _"I'd recognize the Black Widow anywhere," the first one declares._

 _"That's because you stare at pictures of her all day," the other says, rolling his eyes. "But you're seeing things right now."_

 _"I am not!"_

 _"Yes, you are," the other states._

 _"What makes you think that?" the first demands._

 _The other rolls his eyes again. "Because if the Black fuckin' Widow was here, she'd probably hear you drooling and kick your lame ass."_

 _"Maybe I'd let her," the first sniffs._

 _The other laughs. "Man, if the Black Widow wanted to kick your ass, you wouldn't be able to stop her if you wanted to."_

 _I'm pretty amused by the entire conversation and the woman who the first one thought was the Black Widow is obviously amused, too. Her head is ducked slightly while she eats her food, but I can see that her lips are quirked into this little half-smile._

 _I'm enjoying my free entertainment either way, though, and I go to take another sip of my drink when there's this crashing noise from above, and I look up to see that there's these guys lowering ropes from the ceiling._

 _People start screaming and running away, but I get sidetracked by the woman in sweats, because she sighs and slowly stands up._

 _I start backing away to hide behind this plant, because these guys are already sliding down the ropes and there's no way I can get out in time._

 _So, this woman is casually throwing her food away, and I'm starting to think that this was some psycho super-villain lady that just listened to a couple of teens argue about whether or not she's a superhero._

 _The crazy guys are on the ground now and are all holding guns and decked out in full tactical gear, and they start circling the woman. I decide that this must mean that she's not, in fact, evil, so I start worrying about her._

 _She just sighs, though, and reaches into her sweatpants, pulls out a pistol, and says, "Can I not have one day to recoup?"_

 _Then, before I can even fully comprehend that, she starts jumping all over the place, firing the gun, and doing super-ninja moves, taking these guys out. I'm just gaping because now I'm not so sure that teenager wasn't right._

 _Turns out he might want to get ready for some MIBs to show up at his door, because her wig falls off and reveals red hair. I'm still not one-hundred percent convinced, but she jumps on this guy in her signature "thighs of death" move, and before she can knock him out or break his neck or whatever, another guy comes at her from behind with a knife and manages to slice at the back of her sweatshirt._

 _I still don't know why he didn't just shoot her, but I guess there's no good goons anymore or something. I don't know, I'd have to ask a super-villain, but I really don't want to temp fate, so hopefully that never happens._

 _Either way, she takes down both the guys and some of the others, and I can clearly see her cat suit under the ripped sweatshirt, and even though I'm literally hiding in a potted plant in the middle of a deadly fight, I'm kinda jealous of her figure. I wish I could wear a cat suit._

 _Either way, she starts angrily muttering and I hear, "Not only did I single-handedly prevent the Battle of Sydney from happening, but now I have to deal with you (insert Russian word here), too!"_

 _She starts muttering some more Russian. I'm pretty positive she's cussing them out, which is awesome._

 _She manages to get rid of about three quarters of the goons before I decide it's safe to beat a hasty retreat, so I get out of the plant, lunge behind a this massive pole, then run the ten feet to a bathroom so I'm out of the way._

 _There's only one window in the bathroom and it's small and high up, but there's no way that I'm cowering in a bathroom, so I wind up standing on the toilet and manage to pry this window open. I'm not that strong, but I somehow manage to haul myself up, but I almost get stuck. I wiggle my way through and fall out, and I even manage a soft landing._

 _Unfortunately, the landing was only soft because I landed in a dumpster. I have to crawl out of it, and I smell disgusting and there's questionable liquids on me, and I just want a shower and to never leave my apartment again._

 _And that's the story of how I met the Black Widow, she kicked ass and saved the day, and I had to take five showers to get the smell off me. And my life doesn't kind of suck – it really sucks._

 _ **(14+ Pictures Attached)**_

* * *

"I wanna know who she is," Clint says, eating cereal and staring at Darcy as she makes more coffee for the Science!Trio.

"Who who is?" she asks.

"This blog writer chick!" Clint says. "'Tasha's printed out the article about her and stuck it on her wall like some kind of weird trophy."

"Really?" Darcy asks with raised eyebrows, trying to imagine the master spy doing that.

"Yeah," Clint pouts. "It replaced the picture of us in Budapest."

"Hey," she says immediately. "While we're on the subject: what exactly happened in Budapest?"

Clint suddenly stands up, looking at his bare wrist with an airy expression. "Oh, look at the time! I'm supposed to be . . . uh, checking the security of . . . the, um, media rooms!"

With that, Clint jumps onto the kitchen island, takes a sailing jump up to the still-open vent, and pulls himself in. He scrambles up in a blink, and closes it behind him. There's a small thump, then he's gone.

Darcy sighs and pours herself a cup of coffee. Assassins. What can you do with them?

* * *

 **Did I Just Meet New Avengers Or . . .?**

 **by MyLifeKindaSucks**

 _So everyone knows there's some new Avengers right? Like, a lot of them? Well, I sorta recognize all of their names, but not really their faces, you know?_

 _So I'm_ _in this diner,_ _reading this magazine with it pretty much blocking my view of everything, and this guy suddenly sits across from me._

 _I lower the magazine just enough so I can see over it, and this incredibly hot guy is sitting_ _there, slouched in his chair_ _enough_ _that he probably won't be visible from most places_ _._ _He's wearing all black, including a pair of_ _leather_ _gloves._ _He looks kinda scruffy and his hair is long and pulled_ _back_ _, but his eyes are_ _striking_ _blue, and he's just staring at me._

 _I eventually say, "Hello?"_

 _He nods at me, and says back, "I'm hiding from someone, so_ _I'm going to sit here until he goes away."_

 _I think about it for a second and decide that he must be trying to get out of a bad breakfast date, so I just nod and put my magazine back up so I can keep reading._

 _We sit there in silence for about three minutes before another really hot guy walks out of the bathroom and looks around,_ _his dark eyes confused_ _._ _I assume this is the bad date, so I turn another page and generally ignore him, and I keep my eyes away from the hot stranger sitting across from me, instead taking out my phone to document this, because it seem_ _s_ _interesting enough to warrant._

 _The bad date is still looking around in confusion and then he loudly asks, "Did anyone see where_ _the guy I was with went_ _? 'Bout six feet tall, long hair, crazy eyes? Anyone?"_

 _No one says they have or indicates they know, so he throws his hands up and leaves. I watch him go and when he's around the corner, I glance back over the magazine to_ _look_ _at the hot stranger._

 _"He's gone," I tell him._

 _"_ _Good," he says, glancing around just to be sure before relaxing slightly. "Sorry about that, but he was being too clingy."_

 _"Hey, don't worry about it, dude," I say. "Some guys just don't get it."_

 _"_ _Tell me about it," he grumbles, not seeming horribly inclined to move. "It's like he won't leave me alone, and if it's not him, it's someone else."_

 _"_ _Is it a normal thing to go out with controlling guys?" I ask him, a little concerned._

 _He shrugs. "Sam's not really controlling and none of the others are, either. They're just . . . protective."_

 _I scoff. "There's a difference between worrying and suffocating you. You gotta have some freedom, you know? Some room to breath._ _Besides, you don't have crazy eyes, and he shouldn't have said you do._ _I can probably find some better guys to hook you up with."_

 _"Wait, what?" he asks, pale blue eyes wide._

 _"_ _Yeah," I say, warming up to the idea. "Do you have a certain type or anything? Or do you not care as long as they're not assholes like this 'Sam'?"_

 _He looks horrified. "Wait, wait, wait. I'm not . . . stepping out with Sam!"_

 _"_ _Well, obviously not anymore. He needs to be gone from your life," I tell him. "And I've never heard it put that way, but whatever. So, do you like funny guys or serious guys?"_

 _He holds his hands up, still looking panicked. "Woah, wait. I've never dated Sam. Ever. He's a friend. A stupid friend, but a friend. And I don't need or want help finding a date."_

 _I look at him for a long moment before telling him, "You need new friends."_

 _He laughs. "I won't argue with you there."_

 _I'm about to say something, but then the not-actually-a-bad-date comes back, this time in weird armor and with wings strapped on his back and –_

 _Holy fuck, the friend "Sam"_ _is_ _the Falcon._

 _Blue eyes turns to see what I'm looking at, and he groans but stands up._

 _"Thanks for covering for me wh_ _ile_ _you could," he tells me, and I can only nod as he walks over to the Falcon._

 _"There you are, Barnes!" the Falcon says. "Come on, there's a situation in Maine, and they need us there."_

 _With that, the Falcon and Bucky Fucking Barnes walk out._

 _I sit back in my booth, look at my cup of coffee and the magazine that I had dropped, and I wonder why this is my life. What kind of luck do I have to have to wind up helping the Winter Solider hide from the Falcon while thinking the Falcon is a bad and controlling date._

 _I contemplate banging my head on the booth because my life kinda sucks._

 ** _(_ _14+ Pictures Attached)_**

* * *

"You!" Tony shouts from his lab, and Darcy pauses on her way past.

"What, Stark," a familiar voice sighs, sounding wary.

"You know who she is, Barnes! Who is it? Why hasn't she written anything about me yet?! I'm the best!" he declares.

There's a long silence before Bucky asks, "What are you talking about?"

"The girl with the blog that thinks her life sucks!" Tony exclaims. "She wrote an article thingy about you and Sam. Who is she?"

"Someone wrote an article about me?" Bucky asks, sounding confused.

Tony mumbles something she can't hear, and then he says, "Here. Read it."

The lab is silent for a few minutes, and Darcy is still standing, frozen, around the wall.

Suddenly, there is loud laughter that she knows must be Bucky's.

"Stop laughing!" Tony demands. "Who is it? Tell me what kind of person would use a StarkPhone and then neglect me!"

Bucky is still chuckling. "Sorry, Stark, but I think I'll keep her identity a secret."

"Why?" Tony whines.

There's a rustle of fabric like he's shrugging. "She covered for me, so I'll cover for her. Easy as that."

Darcy lets a secretive smile cross her face, and then she walks back towards Jane's lab, Pop Tarts in hand.

* * *

 **A Mercenary is My New BFF?**

 **by MyLifeKindaSucks**

 _Maybe I should have expected that this would happen. Either way, I was enjoying my day off, and I laid in bed for hours before I decided to grace the world with my presence. I'm not really that big into history or anything, and I haven't been to a museum in years, so I decided I would check one out and try to learn something._

 _I might have, too, but when I was about half-way to the museum, I saw a flash of red from the corner of my eyes and then I passed out._

 _I wake up with a headache, and I'm tied to something which was weird. It takes me a second, but I manage to open my eyes. I'm tied to a cushioned, reclining chair in an empty warehouse of all things. If anything, I'm more confused than before, now._

 _After a second, I look to my left slightly, and this guy in a red suit is sitting on the ground, criss-crossed liked a child. As if I wasn't already strange enough, he has two katanas strapped across his back and what looks like a grenade launcher laying across his legs._

 _He seems to notice me looking, and he hops to his feet, heedless of the grenade launcher falling to the ground. He bounds up to me, looking way to energetic to be normal._

 _"Hi, I'm Deadpool!" he introduces cheerfully, bouncing on the balls of his feet._

 _I blink. "Aren't you a mercenary?"_

 _He waves me off. "Yeah, but you're supposed to introduce yourself," he insists. "I introduced me, so you introduce you! Let's try again. Hi, I'm Deadpool!"_

 _"Uh," I say, but decide that it's probably best to go along with the crazy killer. "Hi, Deadpool, I'm (insert name here)."_

 _"Hello, insert name here," he says cheerfully._

 _I blink. "Insert name here?" I ask._

 _"Well, when you write about this, you aren't going to type out your actual name!" he says like it should have been obvious. "Oh, actually, that reminds me!"_

 _He reaches into one of the many black compartments on his head-to-toe red suit and pulls out my phone. He sits it on my lap. "I took pictures for you so you don't have to!"_

 _"Thank you?"_

 _"You're welcome," he says, bouncing again._

 _I sit in silence for a long moment. "Why did you kidnap me, and why am I tied to a recliner?"_

 _"Some weird guy hired me to find you and demand you write an article about him," Deadpool shrugs. "So this is me demanding you write an article. Are you threatened by the cushy recliner?"_

 _I don't really know what to say about that. " . . . Sure?"_

 _"Great!" he says, sitting on the arm of the recliner. "That means I've done my job. Hey, wanna get some chimichangas? I know this great place a few blocks from here."_

 _I blink. "This isn't a date, right?" I ask, deciding to just go with it._

 _"No," he says, shaking his head. "Sorry, but you're not really my type. That's okay, though. You can be my new BFF and eat Mexican food with me."_

 _I don't really know what to say to that either, so I settle with, "Okay, that's cool, I guess. Does that mean you're going to untie me?"_

 _"Sure," he agrees, pulling a katana out of its sheath. He acts like this is a normal thing to do, and he cuts the ropes off me before putting the katana back._

 _"Wait, so who hired you?" I ask._

 _He gives me a mysterious look, then writes it down for me. I'll keep it to myself since I don't want to give in to threats._

 _Either way, I got a new friend and free Mexican food out of it, so it wasn't all bad. Maybe my life doesn't suck after all._

 _ **(14+ Pictures Attached)**_

* * *

"Tony Stark!" Pepper says furiously, storming into the labs where the Science!Trio is working on something. "Why did a million dollars disappear from the company's budget for 'advertising' reasons?"

Darcy looks up from where she's playing Go Fish with Bucky to watch the action. Bucky follows her example.

"Uh . . ." Tony says. "I was trying to get advertising?"

"Trying?" Pepper repeats, then she has a horrified look on her face. "Don't tell me you hired the most dangerous assassin on the planet to _kidnap and threaten a blog writer!_ "

"Should I be insulted?" Bucky mutters from beside her. "I thought I was the most dangerous."

She shrugs, not sure what to tell him.

Tony cowers slightly. "I just wanted to get her to write an article."

"Well," Pepper snaps, "She wrote an article about her new best friend, that's for sure."

"What?" Tony yelps, sitting up. "JARVIS, I told you to tell me if she posts anything!"

"I did, sir," JARVIS says, sounding slightly smug. "You were sleeping at the time, and when I woke you up and told you, you said, and I quote ' _Captain America can kiss my ass, 'cause those are so donkey unicorns, and the Hulk is a bunny'_."

Tony sputters, and Darcy has to slap a hand over her face to stop herself from laughing. Bucky gets a mischievous look on his face, and Bruce looks up for a second, confused, before he shakes his head.

Pepper huffs slightly. "Well, you can explain this to Phil when he comes by to ask about it."

"But Pepper," Tony whines, "I don't _like_ Coulson. And his first name is Agent!"

Pepper just turns around and leaves, the sharp _click click_ of her heels disappearing down the hallway.

"Got any threes?" Bucky asks her.

"Go fish," she says.

* * *

 **Big News on the Horizon**

 **by MyLifeKindaSucks**

 _I've been thinking about it a lot, and I'm thinking that I need to expand this blog to include more things, like videos and chat boxes and fan art and stuff._

 _I've also got plans for selling merchandise, too, and donating it to the fund for the damage the superheroes in the city manage to do. I feel like I've met enough of them that it would only be fair to try to make their lives easier._

 _I'm also probably going to come clean about my identity somewhat since it'll be easier for me to write more if I don't have to carefully keep people from realizing who I am. Plus, then there will be more pictures!_

 _So I'm probably not going to post anything for a month or so until I can get some changes up and running, and talk to some of my sort-of-bosses and see if I can reveal who I am. Fun times._

 _I'll keep you guys updated. My life might kinda suck less soon._

* * *

When Darcy walks straight into the SHIELD HQ, she gets strange looks, but no one actually stops her, so she counts that as a win. She's not entirely sure how she feels about the fact that they let her walk all the way to the Director's door without question.

She raises her hand to knock, but the door opens before she can, revealing Coulson standing there and Fury sitting behind his massive desk. A part of her wonders if the desk is compensating for something.

"Er, hi?" she says when they just stare at her.

"Come in, Miss Lewis," Coulson says, closing the door behind her. "We've been expecting you."

"Dammit, Coulson," Fury says. "That was my line! I was going to turn around in my chair and everything!"

"Sorry, sir," Coulson says, not sounding very sorry at all.

"Right, so, uh," she says, sitting down in one of the chairs in front of Fury's desk. "I need to ask something."

"Permission granted," Fury immediately says, picking up a thick form from under his desk and sliding it to her. Coulson passes her a pen.

" _The Lewis Plan?"_ she reads, then looks up in confusion. "Wait, did you guys know I was coming?"

"Of course we did," Fury tells her. "I run a motherfucking spy outfit, Miss Lewis. You can't make a blog about the Avengers without me knowing. Sign the forms and you can do whatever the fuck you want as long as it doesn't endanger anyone."

"Oh," she says, and the part of her that actually listened in her political science classes demands she read the forms first. So she does.

Three hours later when she's done, Coulson is leaning against a wall solving a Rubix cube, and Fury is leaning back in his chair, black combat boots propped up on his desk, watching what looks like cat videos on his phone.

Darcy signs her name with a flourish before passing the forms over.

Fury pauses his video and asks, "You're good then?"

"I'm good," she agrees before propping her feet up beside his. "I'm just gonna hang out here and watch funny videos on my phone if you don't mind."

Fury looks like he's about to argue, but then he just shrugs and goes back to his cat videos. Coulson pushes off the wall and sits in the chair beside her, moving closer so he can watch the videos, too.

Two hours after this starts, the ceiling rattles and then the vent cover comes off. Clint pokes his head in, before his eyes light up when he sees Fury's phone. "Are you watching cat videos?"

No one bothers to answer, but he drops down beside Fury and jumps onto Fury's desk to sit, arranging himself so he can see the screen, too

An hour after that, a random SHIELD agent knocks on the door and lets himself in without invitation. He blinks at the scene in front of him for a long moment.

"Uhm, Director Fury, sir?" he says. "There's a situation –"

Fury looks up after pausing his cat video again. "Did I say you could come in my office?"

"Well, no, sir, but –"

"Then get out of my motherfucking office," Fury tells him.

"But –"

"Dude, just get out of the office," Darcy advises, and he eventually decides to get out of the office.

"Press play!" Clint demands, poking Fury in the eye patch.

Fury presses play.


End file.
